If I could give every lawmaker a chronic illness for one day...(aka. random, bitchy thoughts)

I just got done having "the discussion" with my husband - the one we've had so many times before - Emergency room tonight or wait-and-see until tomorrow?

Diabetes and heart conditions are a bitch. They also do wonders for chronic depression. I hate this and I especially hate what it does to my family...what I do to my family.

I have a low grade fever, my blood sugar is "down" to 235 and my legs feel like they have 3rd degree burns. The leg issue, while incredibly painful, is not dangerous in itself but a symptom of the high blood sugar. That plus the fever is a symptom of something else and I'm praying it's not that word that terrifies every diabetic...infection. It goes without saying that I'm feeling sorry for myself right now - if you've ever been hospitalized for a week and administered four different kinds of I.V. antibiotics twice a day and have none of them work, you'll know why I'm afraid of facing that again.

I could rant on-and-on about how I feel right now but my primary thoughts keep turning to the truly terrifying health care issues surrounding it all. My husband has a good job with full benefits so I have decent insurance.

So?

My primary caregiver has had to shut down all of the offices except for their main one and because they are one of the few that actually have a sliding fee scale, they've become rigid when it comes to insured folks who have high co-pays (and make too much money for the sliding scale) because of chronic illnesses. They decided that my bi-weekly payments weren't going to work for them anymore, which I discovered when they sent a check back marked "void" and immediately sent the balance of the account into collections. (Gee, thanks.) What this now means is that I must have all monies up front. That's a tall order as I'm trying to get ready to have several operations (the neck surgery has now been put off long enough that I may be toying with permanent nerve damage) that requires me to have frequent tests my insurance doesn't want to pay for.

And let's talk about that deductible that keeps growing every year? How about the cost of the insurance that has increased far beyond inflation for the last 5 years in a row?

Let's also talk about the "neurosurgeon cabal" in Alaska. We have three in the entire state...all in the same office. Since they are "the only gig in town" none of them allow themselves to either be a preferred provider or EVEN a "provider" for most insurance companies. This means that a) They can charge whatever they want and b) I have NO guarantees that I'll have ANY of my $30,000.00 (low estimate) operation paid for. The insurance company will only approve each seperate bill one at a time once the work has already been done.

Of course, that requires that I have a chunk-o-change up front, now doesn't it?

So, everytime I hear about how Hillary's "mandatory insurance" will solve our health care problems, I want to use a voodoo doll to give her regular pains and symptoms that baffle the doctors and require constant tests and hospital visits. Is that insurance making you feel secure now, bitch?

I've been trying to follow State Sen. Hollis French's proposed bill (SB 160) for health care reform in Alaska. At this point, I'll support almost anything that's an improvement over what we have now...nothing. However, I want to know what they are going to do to force the physicians in this state to accept the insurance? I know of one woman who has a slow-growing version of Leukemia. She is literally rolling in the bucks but because she is a senior and there are Medicare laws and requirements, she can't get a primary care physician because so many now no longer accept Medicare.

Well, we decided to monitor things and wait until tomorrow. I'm going to trot off to bed and see if I can sleep. I'm planning still to go to Henry's for the country jam because, dammit, I've looked forward to it all week. Maybe I'll stay there for awhile on my way to Providence.

***UPDATE***

Things were a little better yesterday - got my blood sugar down lower. The burning leg pain is still there but not quite as intense. Everything that touches them still feels like sandpaper but at least I can sleep.

And thanks to my friends who listened while I bitched. :)