Mr. McCitement...a tribute

Nicely done by Bill in Portland Maine. Enjoy!!!!

The Maverick
(With humble apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered drunk and weary,
Over how John McCain, the candidate, could be such a frigging bore
While I watched him, taped, on Fox, thinking I'd rather be from a rafter hanging, suddenly there came a banging,
As of some one violently haranguing, haranguing the butler outside my condo door.
"'Tis some hothead," I muttered, "pounding on my condo door -
If it's that Girl Scout harassing us with her cookies again, I'll buy no more." (I mean it--she's way too pushy.)

Open here I flung the ornate mahogany door (imported from Italy, y'know), when, with many a wheeze and mutter,
In there stepped a codger of the Great Depression days of yore.
Not the least effort to wipe his shoes made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, coerced the condo maintenance guy to bring up a ladder which he climbed and then perched above my condo door --
Perched upon a bust of Gore just above my condo door --
Perched, and scowled, and drooled a little, and nothing more.

Then this blindingly pale maverick beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and clueless decorum of the countenance he wore,
"Though thy hairline be receding and thy whiskers shaven, thou," I said, "sureth looketh liketh a craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient media-hypnotizing maven wandering aimlessly from thy Straight Talk motor coach –- but since yer up there,
Tell me what thy lordly number-one campaign issue is. Is it above reproach?
Straight talk now -- if I pull the lever for you, what am I voting for?"
Quoth the maverick, "Forever war."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so carelessly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some Chimp-like 'Decider' whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his poll numbers fell through the floor --
And this maverick thinks it's just swell to continue -- more, more more???
'Forever -- forever war.'"

"Neocon!" said I, "thing of evil! -- prophet still, if warmonger or devil! --
Whether Cheney sent, or whether Lieberman tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by dwindling Bacardi stock haunted -- tell me truly, I implore --
Is there -- is there nothing stopping you from fulfilling thy pledge to Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the maverick, "Forever war."

"If that's all yer gonna say get the hell out of my place, you dipwit or fiend!" I shrieked upstarting --
"Get thee back to thy Straight Talk Express and thy ass-kissing media barbeques!
Leave no white hair as a token of that hawkish wet dream thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my reality-based mind unbroken! -– and quit farting above my door!
Remove thy Aqua Velva fumes from out my olfactory canal, and take thy dimpled lardass from off my door!"
Quoth the maverick, "My friends -- Forever war."

And the maverick, who apparently knows how to climb up a ladder but not down, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the now-crumbling bust of Gore just above my condo door ("Jeeves, call security!");
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is destruction-dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his grim-reaper shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that Democratic victory that lies seven months away according to the Garfield calendar hanging on my refrigerator door
Shall be vexed by this trigger-happy jerk -– nevermore!